My Big Vacation
by ShiverMeFunzies
Summary: JD is back from his two week vacation and something about him is different. The truth may change everything for the people working in Sacred Heart.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Hey guys, I need to get this story out of my system before I go onto to writing something else. I hope you like it, plz review if you do, so that I might write more.And Also, I don't own scrubs or its characters **

My Big Vacation

Dr Cox's POV

I can't believe my two weeks vacation is already over. I mean my God did I love my peace and quiet. Of course, I didn't actually go anywhere and was working in this dump the whole time. But it felt like a vacation because, thank you God, Newbie was away for all that blissfully amazing amount of time. I didn't have to worry about anyone violating my no touchie policy, I wasn't paged every five seconds and I wasn't constantly looking over anyone's shoulder to make sure that patients stayed alive. Okay sure, I don't always need to look over Newbie's shoulder, he isn't a completely hopeless Doctor, but there is always room for improvement in his case. So, the long and short of it is that I didn't need to baby sit Newbie for two whole weeks, and now that my so called vacation is almost over, I feel like the time went by so gosh darn quickly that it makes me want to crush someone's self esteem to make myself feel better. I guess its not so bad that he's coming back then.

Actually, there are a few things that will get better once he's back. Don't get me wrong, I don't want him back. In fact, if the fairy prince wants to marry her and keep Thumbelina for all eternity, its all fine and dandy by me. Only problem is, that this hell hole tends to work on an emotional chain of reaction which effects everyone, and recently it's gone haywire. For example, since Newbie's gone, Gandhi has been moping around being moody and irritable, which has made Carla angry and frustrated, which she has taken out on all the nurses, who have taken it out on doctors like me. Of course, my frustration over the sloppy jobs the nurses are doing is being directed towards Bobbo who has sent the flow of crap right back down our little chain all over again. So basically, we need Newbie to pick up the slack, and boy am I looking forward to making him pay for the stream of nonsense that I've had to go through in his absence. Not to mention the fact that I've had to deal with Barbie constantly trying to be my new 'wing man' for the past 14 long days. If I have to hear that shrill voice any longer than absolutely necessary, my white rage is going to kick in and I'm not going to be responsible for what I do to her then. So yea, as glad as I was to be rid of the giant bag of annoying that is John Dorian, I'm not entirely devastated that he's coming back.

Which is why I'm standing close to the door, so that when he makes his grand entrance by yelling "lookie me I'm back!", with a goofy grin on his chinless face and a an equally girly queen wave, I'll be there to piss all over his "go get em" attitude by my well thought out rant. Seriously, I sat up all night thinking about how I'm going to make him feel like crap after spending a, no doubt, relaxing vacation, while the rest of us slaved our asses off.

I'm not the only one pretending to work around the nurse's station. Gandhi has been sitting on the counter and staring at the door as though by looking at it hard enough, he'll make Newbie materialize out of nowhere. Jumpsuit has been working hard on waxing every inch of space that Newbie might potentially be stepping on when he comes, so he's pretty excited about getting his victim back too. That guy seriously has some issues but I'm sure as hell not complaining. Come to think of it, everyone barring Bobbo and Ted are hovering near the doorway, no doubt, all waiting for their favorite labradoodle to skip into the hospital and spread sunshine and daisies everywhere. Just thinking about it makes me want to gag. At least I'm standing here for a legitimate reason, I actually need to rant at someone or I'll go into withdrawal. I haven't had a really good one for the past two weeks, this is my chance to let go of all that pent up frustration.

Any minute now…you can almost hear Carla twiddling her thumbs in anticipation, Barbie blowing the bangs out of her face while she's pretending to look over charts, when she's actually staring at the door from the corner of her eyes, or Todd shuffling his feet, waiting to give Newbie a five for something he will eventually find erotic.

And then it happens, Newbie slowly pushes the door open and takes a tentative step into the main lobby. Gandhi jumps off the counter and yells on the top of his lungs "JD". For his part, Newbie just stands there, staring at his bald boyfriend. Its as though, for that one second, the whole hospital falls silent waiting for a response. JD just stares back, with this strange expression on his face. For the life of me I can't figure out what that expression is. It's like confusion, only more towards panic. Then suddenly, that, whatever that was, is gone and JD yells back. "Turk!", holding his arms out for a hug. Sometimes I can swear that isn't a whiter girl in this hospital then him, but then I turn around and see Barbie blowing her bangs out of her face and I have to correct myself. Meanwhile, the piss poor excuse for doctors have their reunion moment. It's a perfect TV moment until Gandhi runs towards his girlfriend and slips on the waxed floor and falls flat on his face. I think I actually clapped automatically; I just couldn't control the joy that bubbled up inside me right at that moment. Of course, I expect Newbie to laugh, yell something insane or declare his undying love for him but he doesn't. He just silently walks up to his friend, carefully pulls him up and mutters a barely audible "You OK?", before giving him a hug that, to me lasts just a little too long. I think he was trying to save Gandhi's integrity, but that ship sailed the moment his bald head hit the floor after shooting out of his mother's womb. I like to believe that's why he is the way he is: a lost cause. Gandhi didn't care all that much it seemed, because he immediately began to jump and up and down, holding onto Newbie. "What's up Dowg? You're back!". Newbie too put a goofy grin on his face and bobbed up and down. I know the two of them get on my nerve on a good day and that most, nay all of what they do seems unbelievably strange to me, but somehow something seemed off today. I can't tell you what it is, because the whole yelling and screaming and acting like high school girls thing was bang on as usual, but something about Newbie was just off. No one else noticed it though because as soon as the two were done, JD was immediately surrounded by the rest of his fan fair.

"Hey guys." He says, giving Carla and Elliot a hug each.

"Dude, how was your big vacation? Did you get a little something, something, if you know what I'm saying?"

Oh here it comes, either its going to be one of those long and boring sob stories about how no one loves him, or he's going to go on and on and on about how he landed the jackpot. If he so much as looks at me while talking about his nerdy sex life, I'm…no wait, let him, I still haven't delivered my rant. Get ready Newbie, your about to get some royal Cox treatment!

The weird thing is though; he doesn't say anything at first. He just stands there, staring at his feet, like he's thinking about what he's going to say next. "Urm, it was okay. How were things around here?"

"Much better now that you're here."

"Awe Babroo, Did you do your medschool at Hallmark because all you seem to be good at anymore is the sappy load of crap that shoots out of your mouth every time it opens." I'm starting to feel better already; yes Newbie's presence does bring out my most colorful rants.

"Did you do your pmedschool in assface school because that's the only thing you're good at being!"

"Touche Barbie, but you will pay for that one. Oh, you will so pay. Be-hig mistake, messing with the big dog."

"Anyways, I'm really glad you're back JD. It just wasn't the same without you." With that, Barbie gives JD yet another hug before skipping away.

"So Bambi, did you miss us?"

"If only you knew Carla." Strange, the way he said that was a little too genuine.

"Good, because I don't think I can handle Turk's moping anymore"

"Its true man, I hate being away from my Vanilla Bear."

"Same here Brown bear." He reaches to Turk and gives him a yet another hug. What is with this kid and hugs? He finally pulls back after an eternity and for a moment just stands there, staring. He is spacing out so much more than usual. How does no one notice this? I look over at the Janitor who is watching the exchange to see if he's noticed, but the man is trying to make eye contact with Newbie to give him the death stare. It doesn't seem to be working. I've had enough of this love fest.

"Oh for God's sake, will you two girls just get a room." I mean come on, who does the long emotional hug thing? I can barely manage 3 seconds a year.

He turns to me, and I'm sure he's about to say something he thinks is going to be touching. I'm preparing myself for releasing my rant dragon on him but the look in his eyes knocks the wind right out of me. For the split second when he's staring directly at me, I see what I can only describe as…I don't even know how to describe it. Its like sadness, or disappointment or…something. But just as quickly as it came, it is gone, replaced by determination. He just nods at me, just barely acknowledging my presence, before turning back to his friends. "Is Dr Kelso in today? I have to talk to him."

"Yea, he's in his office." Newbie is just about to leave when Carla tugs at his sleeve. "Bambi, glad you're back!"

"I'm glad I'm back too." He says this so quietly, I barely hear it.

"You ok dude?"

"Yea why?"

"You seem, I donno…" Both Gandhi and Carla say simultaneously. "low"

"Nah, I'm just tired from all the traveling. I'm all gooood, I'm so good I'm actually fine!" Yup, he's back, doing his annoying, talking from his mouth thing.

"You know what else is fine, my…"

"Todd, if you finish that sentence, I'm going to come after you, and when I'm done you'll be eating out of a straw. Are we understood?"

"Yes nurse Turkelton." He nods, before putting up his hand for an "understood five?", getting yet another dirty look from the scariest Latina nurse in all of sacred heart.

"I'll see you guys later." With that, Newbie brushes past me, making his way to Bobbo's office, completely unaffected by the unnecessary but highly amusing exchange that took place just now. What the hell got his panties in a stitch?

I didn't even get to rant on him. Now I have this raging undelivered rant bubbling up inside me that is itching to go free. It makes me want to….go pee actually.

………………………..

It's weird, I know I don't really care about Newbie, but for some god awful reason, it bothered me that he wanted to talk to Kelso. I mean why in God's name would he want to put himself through such a thing? I can't help but think that the man has decided to switch camps all of a sudden. I mean he didn't even acknowledge my presense earlier. Ever since he finished talking to dear old Bobbo, he's been on top of his game. As if talking to the old coot did wonders for him, but that's just the thing. Bobbo NEVER has that effect on people, not unless he's promoted them, and that usually means they've sold their soul to him. So watching Newbie is a little disturbing to me right now. He surrounded by interns and I have to admit, he's an excellent teacher. He's attentive (which for him is a tall order), he's patient, helps them just enough to give them confidence and keep enough information to make them work. The ease with which he's working the room right now is, well, its something I never noticed before. He's keeping the atmosphere light, but professional and its not hard to see that every one of those knuckleheads who call themselves Interns, respects the man.

"OK Lisa, this patient is complaining severe abdominal pain and vomiting. She most likely has what?"

"Ur Appendicitus? "

"That's correct. Good Job Lisa! Incidentally, I was addmited here once for appendicitis and I can tell you this, its not fun for a patient to be watched my ten strangers, while they scrutinize his body, so when you're doing rounds, be mindful of the patient's dignity. They're people, not lab rats. Also, like we did right now, if you're going to discuss the patient's condition, do it away from their beds, especially if they aren't aware of their condition yet. Its unprofessional. Got that everyone? Now lets move on so one of you can sweep me off my feet with your wealth of knowledge. Move it!"

The little duckings shuffled behind the…slightly older but not much bigger duckling. How does the man do it? Everything looks so easy and non-complicated when he's with these kids. No yelling, no screaming, no abuse and they still want to listen to him? They still want to be like him? How is that even possible? If I had a teacher like him, I'd probably walk all over him, wouldn't I? Nah, maybe not. The kid commands respect sometimes, you have to give him that. How he does it while he's skipping around in his ballet slippers and a tiara, I'll never know. Sometimes though, not always, deffinately not a lot of times, but sometimes I feel proud of being his teacher.

He's come a long way from being the lost puppy. Of course now he's just a puppy that's found his way but still refuses to cling to people as they walk by. Hell its fun steping on his tail, mostly because he makes those sad eyes but doesn't do any of the drama. More likely because no matter what I do to him, he always comes right back. Its like he's my very own punching bag. I need that, of all the people here, I need someone who takes my tantrums, because the way things spiral out of control in this hell hole, I need to have someone I have power over. Maybe it's a little sadistic to appreciate Linda's Hero worship only because I enjoy crushing him, but hey, I never asked him to stick around, he chose to do it.

Right now though, I'm not looking at Dr-walk all over me. I'm looking at Dr Dorian, the man who seems to have everything under control for the moment. He's multi tasking like and insane person right now, and I'm tempted to intervene out of habbit, because I'm afraid he might kill someone in the process. I don't though because he's doing everything right. He's checking on his patients, prescribing dosages, talking to his interns, talking to his patients and hell just talking a hell of a lot, and miraculously doing it all right.

Either I've never noticed this before or Newbie has come back from one hell of a relaxing holiday because I've never seen him so confident, so 'in-control' and just so nonchalant about the his work before. I'm a bit jealous, because after spending this much time in this dump, its hard for me to be quite so energetic. I'm a great doctor, hell I know I'm the best around here, but sometimes, I feel like the zing that I once had, while doing my job isn't there anymore. I must have lost it three years into it, how does Briana still have it? How is he still optimistic? It can't be right, I bet its that Kelso's promotion, what else could it possibly be. Oh I'm going to kill him if that's the case. He will pay and pay good. He thinks I only live to make Bobbo's life hell, oh he has another thing coming.

Oh good, he's finally done playing Dr know-it-all. "Say Newbie, just what do you think you're doing?"

"Getting my charts from the nurse's station." He says without looking up. What's wrong with him? He's definitely up to something.

"I know you're up to something Newbie, I've got my eyes on you!"

"Yea I've got my eyes on you to. Who's you kill Dorian. I know you did something. What'd you do?" OK, count on the Janitor to go there.

"Excuse me guys, I have to go and do my job, I'll let the two of you continue this on your own." He's being Fiesty? With me? You have got to be kidding me.

"Newbie! Did you go see a doctor on your vacation?"

"What? I don't know what you're talking about." OK not the shifty reponse I was looking for.

"How could you rob us the chance of watching you get testicles. I mean really, our littly Moesha getting a sex change and no one bothers to tell us?"

"I'm going to go now."

"Wait, I still have my eyes on you!"

"Let it go Jumpsuit, he's gone." Poor Jumpsuit, I don't think he's figured out a proper torture plan yet. He's fumbling for material right now. As for Teena, she's become gutsy, more confident with her job and is acting just a little bit strange. I'm not going to bother too much over it though, she comes clean sooner or later. Carla will probably be the first to spread the news one Gandhi gets the big scoop. Around here, you don't have to wait to long to get the good gossip, even when you really don't want to hear it.

TBC

**A/NThanks for reading, Please review  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N hey guys, here is the next chapter, If you like it, please review. It's a good motivation to keep going. **

JD's POV

As a doctor, you're expected to be a lot of things, confident, knowledgeable, professional and most of all composed. You can't afford to loose your cool in front of patients no matter what's going on in your personal lives. That's one of the reasons I'm standing in front of the Sacred Heart hospital, collecting myself. I've been away from this place for the past two weeks, and it feels ten years have passed me by in that time. On one hand, I want to go in there and tell everyone what's going on, but on the other hand, I just don't have it in me. I just want to grab a bag of normal and roll in it for a while, get the smell of chaos out of my life. I want things to stay the same with everyone. At least for now, I can't handle any more change. So, I have to put up the performance of a lifetime. I mean all that improve theatre is finally going to come in handy, I should be glad. I just don't know if I'm good enough an actor to do it. I wish life was a big pie monologue, I'd be so great. But its not, so I have to make things up as I go along, and its definitely not going to be as fun as pie improve theatre. I don't really know why I'm still thinking about pie but I can't seem to stop.

The thing is, I just want to be able to waltz in there like nothing's happened, goof around with Turk, talk to Carla and chill out with Elliot, but I'm not sure I can keep my emotions in check every time they're around. I don't think I can erase all these insane thoughts going around in my head. I'm so scared. I'm scared about them finding out through someone else, or finding out through my own inability to keep things hidden, or about what will happen when they finally hear it from me. I'm scared about what comes next, about being alone, about being with people, about facing this nightmare. I want to ask for help but I also know that I can't deal with their help, not now, not later. Their emotional baggage is too much to handle and its not fair for me to take my baggage to them either. I need to come to terms with everything, get my rhythm going before I tell them. I'd be glad not having to tell them at all but I know that's not exactly fair. On the other hand, what's fair about my life that I should have to worry about being fair to anyone else? Hey I used the same word in the same sentence twice in a row! Anyway, they would understand if I can't bring myself to confess, ever. Some people just can't share things like this, my friends will understand eventually.

I'm getting ahead of myself, for now, all I have to do is pretend like my vacation was normal. I have to go and get excited over seeing Turk like I always do. That's not so hard. I haven't seen him in ages and I can't wait to talk to him. I'm just not sure what I'll say. I'll have to lie like an insane person, to come up with a good cover up. I wonder if he'll believe me if I told him that I got abducted by a queer boy band on my way to Dan's and spent the last two weeks sipping on necktarinis in a trailer. Only problem is, I think I SMSed him to say that I reached safely, and that a hot bartender asked me for my number. She didn't, she asked the guy next to me, but then she turned to me and asked me if I wanted something. So, it was a close call. I wonder if you can stick your foot in your mouth through the text messaging. I bet I can.

Turk isn't even the problem, yes he can usually read me like a book, but he's also pre-occupied with being a dad and a husband, it's not that hard to slip through his V-bear-radar. same goes for Carla. Elliot is too involved with Keith and her own issues, she won't notice anything either and she can be even more self involved as the me. The person I have to avoid is Dr Cox. The man sees like a hawk and hears like a bat. I guess, when you see someone as your protégé, you notice every little thing about them. I need to avoid eye contact with him, he reads me too well. I know I've been pining for that hug he still hasn't given me, but for now, having him this close isn't going to be a good thing. I have to use his evasion tactics, drive him away like he tries to do with me all the time.

Its weird, if things weren't as messed up as they are right now, I'd feel like I'm going on a mission impossible. I'd so make a great Tom Cruise.

_Imagines himself sneaking into the Sacred heard Hospital through the roof, descending from a cable, wearing glasses. The mission impossible tune plays in the background. Just when he's about to reach the nurse station for a chart, Dr. Cox walks in. "Oh Newbie I've got you now." And saying that, Dr Cox cuts the cable, causing JD to go down hard. _

Yea, he's going to ruin my mission stealth. I need to steer clear of him. Okay, its time to face the music. I'm just going to go in there, be they guy they all expect me to be. Smile a lot, talk a lot, be a good doctor and don't let anyone feel like anything has changed. When the day is done, there will be plenty of time to think about everything, not right now though. Right now, I need my identity back, I need to be Dr John Dorian, or I think I'll just fall apart and there will be nothing left to do but give in.

So hear goes.

"JD!" Oh my god, what if they know, I have to get out of here, I can't deal with this…no no, wait no one knows anything. How could they possibly know? Calm down, it's just Turk looking for his reunion ritual. Get into character JD, its show time. "Turk!" I yell, sounding extra-cheerful. It sounds so fake to my ears, I hope no one else notices. Turk doesn't seem to, he's running towards me for a hug. I bet he expects me to do the eagle, I don't think I can.

Ouch, the Janitor must have waxed the floor extra clean for me, boy if he only knew what's happening in my life, he'd probably throw a party. He'd probably invite me to my own worst nightmare and make me watch with an audience. Oh well, what he doesn't know can't make him happy. I certainly won't be the one to do all the telling. I hope Turk is alright, he looks embarrassed. Just seeing him get all excited over me, makes me feel a bit choked up. This entire thing is so normal, so out of place in my crapshoot of a life. I just want to hug him, to cry on his shoulder, tell him everything. But I can't do that to him, he's not ready for that kind of stuff, not when his own life is going great. I can't bring myself to disrupt anyone else's life, I know what it feels like and I won't do it to anyone else.

So instead, I pull him up, ask if he's okay and do the next best thing, hug him like I'm never letting go. I can't help myself; I need this contact to know that I still exist, that this little world of mine, where people are happy, is real. Turk pulls away though, getting all excited and jumpy, I go along, do whatever it takes to appear as though everything is perfect. Once we've done our thing, Carla and Elliot join us as well. We're all bantering back and forth and things seem almost normal. That's until they start asking about my vacation. I had planned to tell them an elaborate tale of bravery, honor and chivalry but at that moment I completely forgot what I was going to say, so instead I just shrugged it off. No one seemed to notice much, and I thought I was doing a good job at being nonchalant but I guess I didn't do a perfectly convincing job because Turk and Carla are still asking me if something is wrong. I just tell them that I'm tired and use the tried and true goodball method to throw them off. It sort of works, but I need to rethink my strategy if this is going to work. I also need to tell Dr Kelso everything. He's the only one who can help me right now.

Looking up, I see Dr Cox, he's talking to me, maybe trying to get a rise out of me as usual. He probably wants to rant to someone. I can't let him do that right now, I'm not stable enough to take it gracefully. For a second though, having him there, the guy who always supports me in everything, having him not know anything was almost too painful. I just wanted to tell him everything, more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. I couldn't do it, so I forced myself to stay in control, and leave, before he got a closer look at how messed up I really am.

………………….

It felt good to finally tell someone over here, even if it was Dr Kelso. Surprisingly though, he seemed genuinely concerned and supportive. For all of five seconds until Ted walked into the office. Then it was business as usual. Thankfully, he is letting me do my work as usual, but with added liberties. I'm not big on taking on those liberties but I'm not sure I'll have a choice soon.

"Look son, you do whatever you have to do, just don't kill any of my patients in the process, and I'll keep this on the DL"

"Thanks Dr Kelso. That means a lot."

"You know, Enid doesn't know that I put out with a Vietnamese prostitute, and I'm damn sure she'll be better of never knowing, but that doesn't mean I like to lie to her. Seriously, I'm not that creative."

"Right sir" I have no idea where he's going with this.

"The point is, sometimes its worse to be the guy with the secret, than the person who doesn't have a clue. Are you sure you want to be that guy, given everything else that's going down the crapshoot?"

"No I'm not. But right now, that's about all I have left to give them."

"Suit yourself then. Now get back to work, you do have work to do."

"Thanks sir, really. I don't know what I would have done without your help."

"I'm not sure its enough. Now will you get out of here before I get accused by one of these imbeciles of being a softie."

So, now that the big weight is off my shoulders, I can sort of relax, find my way back into things. I've missed being in control in the past two weeks, I've missed being the guy who has all the answers. I guess I still don't have the answers I need, but for others, I'm still Dr. Dorian. So, getting back in the game is kinda going to be therapeutic for me.

So here I am again, teaching my interns, being their so called safety net, I heard one of the interns call me Dr Good cop once, I put that as my facebook name for a while, until random people started messaging me saying they wanted to be my bad cop, and strangely none of them were women. Anyway, being back with them, guiding them helped me stand outside myself for a while. All the crazy in my head just became a buzzing sound, and I just let the doctor in me take over. I felt like a robot, but a caring one, with all the tender doctorly traits, but still totally on autopilot. I didn't even realize that I was multi-tasking like no one's business. For once, after two whole weeks, heack ever longer, I was energetic and on top of my game. I guess I was trying to use up whatever I could spare, god knows this isn't going to last long. I bet I'll be panting for air within the next few hours. Oh god, that's so depressing…stop it…be cool…go back to being the robot doctor.

I was doing pretty decent as robot doctor for the next little while until…

"Say Newbie, just what do you think you're doing?" What now! Just don't look at him, he's going to make you go back to being crazy JD. You just got your rhythm back.

"Getting my charts from the nurse's station." That's right, just play it cool. He can't hurt you, you don't have to tell him anything. He will not break you!

"I know you're up to something Newbie, I've got my eyes on you!" What? Has he lost it today?

"Yea I've got my eyes on you to. Who's you kill Dorian. I know you did something. What'd you do?" And of course the Janitor has to chime into the most insane conversation of the day.

You know what, I'm not going to take this, I need to get these two away from me. I forgot about the Janitor's uncanny ability to know everything about me, even my inner most thoughts. I can't count on these two not to clue in. They already think something's off. I mean yea, they aren't being as observant as they usually are or they would have guessed something was wrong over three weeks ago, but still. I need to be extra careful, now that I know, them finding out won't be that far behind.

"Excuse me guys, I have to go and do my job, I'll let the two of you continue this on your own." Oh my god, I'm talking back to my mentor. On one hand it feels good to stick it to the big dog, but on the other hand, I 'm still supposed to be the protégé! This sucks. I just need to avoid eye contact and pretend like I'm annoyed as hell. Maybe I'll scoff for dramatic effect.

"Newbie! Did you go see a doctor on your vacation?" WHAT! How can this be happening, he's bluffing. How could he possibly know that! Deny deny deny

"What? I don't know what you're talking about."

"How could you rob us the chance of watching you get testicles. I mean really, our littly Moesha getting a sex change and no one bothers to tell us?" Oh its just him trying to crush my self esteem again, thank god. That was close, did he notice my panicing? Why am I still here, I need to move my butt!

"I'm going to go now."

I think I heard the Janitor yell something behind me but I was too focused on putting one foot in front of the other and getting the hell away from the two most psychotic and subsequently brilliant people in the hospital. If they didn't spend so much time and energy in ruining my life, they could probably discover evidence of black matter in the universe or something. Well, they'll get their chance. Maybe they'll dedicate something to me some day.

I'm walking so fast that I don't even see Elliot stomping into me from the opposite direction. In true JD style, he collide, sending sprawled on the floor. This can't be good for me. I need to start paying more attention from now own.

"I'm going to go with Ouch."

"Oh sorry JD, you ok?" Am I? I better be, it hasn't even been a day since I got back!

"Yea, fine, where's the fire?"

"What?" Sometimes her being blonde is so appropriate

"Why were you rushing?"

"Oh I was looking for you. I forgot to tell you earlier, your brother called and asked that you call him back immediately."

"When was this?"

"Ah….a few hours back, I can't really remember." That's nice, its probably an emergency and I'm hearing about it now.

"Sorry JD, I got called in, my patient was coding and I forgot." Awe she looks so cute when she's sorry. Especially when her voice starts rising at the end of the sentence and the words sort of merge together to make no sense. I forgive her instantly. Dan's emergencies are that urgent most of the times anyway.

"Its ok, I'll call him right now." Turning around, I make my way to the nurse's station. To my dismay, Turk and Carla have joined Dr. Cox. Great, now everyone is here to eaves drop on whatever bomb Dan is about to drop on me. It can't be good, that's for sure. Not after everything that's happened. I can't help but have some hope though, maybe he found something or someone I couldn't. The odds of that happening are slim though, who better to know not to keep false hope than me. I'm the doctor between the two of us after all.

Whatever it is, I have to call him to be sure. I just have to be discreet about the whole thing. As I grab the phone and dial, I sort of wait for everyone to go back to doing their own thing. It wasn't really subtle of me, but they were all staring at me, what else was I supposed to do?

"Yello."

"Hey Dan its me."

"Hey little brother. Howz the day back going?" He's making small talk…very bad.

"Ah…good. Whats up with you."

"Not much, hooked up woth a cute bar tender after you left last night. She's helping me out emotionally."

"That's good to hear." Great, of all people to need emotional support, it has to be him. He probably hooked up with the girl who almost asked me out. Typical. "Listen, I have to get back to work, what did you have to call and tell me. I just saw you last night."

"Urm I was wondering. The thing about mom not finding out…was that a rule or a guideline. Because I think it was a guideline. It felt sort of, vague an out there…guide like…what do you say?"

"Dan? What did you do?"

"Nothing….much."

"Dan!"

"I told mom."

"What!" I'm so mad I can barely control my vocals. I'm pretty sure if I look up, the entire nurse's station and everyone around it is currently staring at me. So I lower my voice.

"That's the only thing I asked from you. You couldn't even do that. I didn't nned anything from you. Not emotional support, not any sort of help, just that you keep this between us and you couldn't even do that. My last…that's all I asked from you."

"I know. Look it came out. I got drunk, she asked me and I just blurted everything out. I couldn't help it."

"You know what. I don't have time for this. You did this, you take care of it. Tell her its all a mistake, deny everything and get me out of it. I'm not ready yet Dan. Fix it!" I'm so mad at him I might actually explode.

"JD, everything okay man?"

"Yea, fine. I gatta go finish up my reports. I'll see you guys later."

I don't know what I'm going to do if mom shows up here. I can't deal with that right now. How could my brilliant plan be breaking apart already? For god's sake it's only been one day since I got back! So much for mission stealth. I have to fix this myself, Dan isn't reliable, I should have guessed he's screw this up. I need to make up a good cover story. It can't be that hard, I'm a doctor for god's sake!

God, if you're up there, you better come through for me on this one. Enough with the kicking JD when's down thing. I need some relief and I need it ASAP.

Are you listening?


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Okay guys, here's the big revelation chapter. I hope you like it. I enjoyed writing it. If you do think its worth going forward with, please please review and tell me what you think, it might inspire further chapters…definitely inspires quicker updates. Thank you so very much for reviewing so far. I absolutely love it**!

Chapter 3

Turk's POV

Okay, what the hell was that all about? Ever since he's come back, JD's been acting all weird. I mean he seems more spaced out than usual one minute, then becomes all happy the next, then looks totally depressed and then goes all goofy and normal all of a sudden. He's obviously not telling me something, I mean an idiot could tell that he was fighting with Dan, but when I asked him about it, he totally brushed me off. What's the deal? JD never hides anything from me, especially not Dan stuff. Hell, he loves bitching about Dan most of the time. Well, when it's not something major anyway. That's the thing about JD, he'll tell you all the smaller details in his life, about everything that's wrong with everything, but when it comes to the major stuff, he sort of skips over it and pretends like its no big deal. That's why I'm bothered by him being all incommunicado.

Looking across the nurse's station, I can tell Carla is on the same page as me. Also because she's been twirling her curls with her index finger, still staring at the spot JD was just in. She does that when she's in deep thought. See baby, I do know you.

"Baby, is it just me or is JD hiding something from us."

"Yea, there is definitely something wrong with him." Shazam!

"He seemed pretty upset with Dan. Did you catch any of what he was saying?"

"Turk! Are you suggesting that I eaves drop? Because that will not bode well for you."

"Baby!" This is so not the time for scary wife act.

"Something about Dan telling his mom something. I didn't quite catch it but it looked like JD was trying to keep something from his mom and Dan ratted on him."

"That's so typical of Dan. I mean the guy is cool and all, but he never comes through for JD. Did you know, this one time JD accidentally broke her lamp, because Dan was trying to see if JD could fly if he threw him around the living room. Then when his mom came home and he blamed it all on JD."

"What did his mom do?"

"Oh nothing, she's more of the nurturing type mom, she gives the disappointed stare and makes you feel like crap without actually laying a finger on you."

"You know, JD does that too. I guess he gets it from his mom."

"Hells yea, he can make you feel guilty without even looking at you. Anyway, the point is, this is typical Dan. I don't get why JD's being so secretive about the whole thing. Normally he'd be moaning and bitching about how unfair his life is by now."

"I'm sure he'll tell us soon enough. He can't hold out for more than a day, I bet he'll start getting cramps from keeping it all inside for so long."

"Do you get cramps when you can't tell someone something?"

"Sometimes." Awe, my Latina princess is so cute, its not even weird that she gets a physical reaction to holding all the gossip inside.

"You think I should go check on him. See if he wants to play hide the saltine?"

"You just really want to play don't you?"

"No….yes." we haven't played in three weeks! He was all tired and exhausted the week before he left, so we didn't get to do anything fun. Now that he's back, I need someone to goof off with.

"I think you need to leave him alone, he'll come to you when he wants to talk. He always does."

"You're right baby." She is, she's always right, about everything, every single time. Which is why…

……………..

"JD we need to talk."

"Sure, what's Brown Bear."

"Look, obviously something's bothering you. I was wondering if you wanted to talk about it."

"Nah, its nothing, (coughs a little) I had a little pickle with Dan, I'm over it. Nothing to talk about." Ha, he said pickle. It always gets me when he uses that word. I should try and use it in a sentence.

"I love pickles."

"That you do my friend. Wanna go grab lunch and talk about how hard married life is?"

"Yea, that sounds like fun…" Wait he totally got me off track. He's getting sneaky, normally I'd be proud but he can't use that on me.

"But are you sure you don't want to talk about whatever that was? Maybe complain a little, whine if you like? You know I'll listen if you want to talk."

"Thanks buddy, but there really isn't anything to say. But I'll haller if I need to caller!"

"For shizzle. You wanna play hide the saltine after lunch?"

"Hells to yes SCB!" I missed this. I'm almost glad we didn't go into any details, I want to be there for him but if he's over it so soon, then it probably isn't that important, and he's just recently stopped obsessively talking about all his smaller issues in life. I don't want to encourage an encore of JD's "I'm down in the dumps and can't stop talking about it" phase.

Besides, he's back to being normal and Vanilla bear-ish, that's what I wanted and I'm just glad that's what I got.

"I just have to make a quick call…" He's cut off mid-sentence Is that my pager? No that's JD's. He's looks confused by it for a second.

"Why is Carla paging me to the nurse's station? I was there a minute ago."

"Let's go find out."

…………………..

Carla's POV

"Is my son alright? You work with him right? Where is he? Can I speak to him?"

"I'm sorry ma'am, who's your son?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, it's Doctor John Dorian." What? Why would he not be alright? Why is JD's mom crying like this?

"Okay just stay calm Mrs. Dorian, I'm paging JD."

"How is he?"

"He's fine. There's nothing to worry about." Is there? I don't get it, first JD's been acting so strange all day, then the argument with his brother and now this? Something is definitely going on. Where is Turk? I need to tell someone about this. Oh, wait first I need JD.

As I page him, I can't help but worry a little, actually a lot. I've never even spoken to JD's mom before, but from what I've heard, she didn't sound like she got easily ruffled. Then again, I'm just going by what I see in JD. Yea, he's a scrawny little guy, but he doesn't get shaken up easily. Never seen him cry, hardly ever loses his temper and almost never shows any outward display of fear. Unless you count the screaming like a girl part, that he does whenever there are loud noises. Aside from that though, he's pretty solid, and I always thought his mom would be too.

"Who am I talking to? Are you close to my son?"

"I'm nurse Espinoze, Turk's wife."

"Oh You're Carla. JD talks about you all the time." Awe he does? "Carla, who's taking care of him right now?" What is she talking about?

"I…"

"You rang Carla?" JD says, making his voice all deep and husky, trying to be coy. He can be such a nerd sometimes. Of course he ruins his efforts by coughing. "Excuse me, that came from nowhere….anyways…paged me?" I almost forget I'm holding the receiver in my hand…but all of a sudden warning bells start going of in my head.

"JD you're mom's on the phone. She's really upset. She wants to know if you're alright?" I know I'm doing my staple 'Bunch- my- shoulders-spread-out-my-hand thing' like I'm asking a question, but he totally ignores me and grabs the phone. What, was I not clear enough? This isn't over mister. I'm Carla, my mother hen abilities surpass all others.

"Hey mom." I can't make out what his mom's saying but she is obviously shaken.

"No. I'm fine mom. Calm down and please stop crying. No…no that was a mistake. Listen…urm." He looks up at me, as if making sure that I'm still there. "let…(coughs away from the phone) urm…let me call you on my cell phone in a few minutes okay. I can't talk right now. Sh…its okay mom, I'm absolutely fine. Don't worry, I'll explain everything." He whispered those last few sentences but I heard every word. When he put the phone down, I couldn't help myself. I grabbed hold of his face, in the most motherly way possible.

"JD, you're not telling us something. What's wrong? Why was your mom so worried about you." He just stares at me for a second. I can see the wheels in his head turning. He's obviously looking for a way to avoid the question. He's about to open his mouth but I interrupt again. "The truth, JD!"

"Its nothing, Dan is just being an Idiot and my mom took it all the wrong way. Family issues, you know how it is." I'm not convinced at all but he doesn't let me ask anymore questions. "I gatta go clear things up with her. I'll see you later." With that he just walks away. My gut says I should keep a look out for him from now on. That kid is many things, but a liar is not one of those things. He can do it, but no way is he good at it.

There ain't no way he's getting away with this. Now where's Turk, I need to tell someone or I'll go crazy. So I need to gossip, big deal, I'm not the only one. Besides, in this hell hole, a girl needs to feel like she's important, and I'm the provider of vital information. I'm like a highly important internet site, like google. Who am I kidding, I'm Parez Hilton! Now where's my husband?

…………………..

JD's POV

I don't get it, what is with my family. Hello, I do have a cell phone! But no, they have to call at the hospital phone, to Carla of all people. Now the whole hospital will know something's wrong. I have to come up with a really good cover up now. Okay JD…think…think…first, what are you going to tell mom?

Okay you're a Doctor, this should be easy….

"Hey JD"

"Hey Dug" That's it! OH man I love this place. Okay, I'm going to call mom and use Dug as my inspiration.

"Hey mom."

"Sweetie…whats going on?"

"Awe mom I'm sorry…look don't cry, nothing happened. It's all a big mistake."

" What do you mean? Dan said he was there the whole time and…"

"Yea I know, but they switched my file. It wasn't me they were talking about. It happens all the time. They called me yesterday and told me, I didn't get a chance to tell Dan. "

"Honey, why didn't you tell me about any of this in the first place?"

"I didn't want to worry you. And it wasn't such a big deal."

"Of course it's a big deal JD…anything that happens to you is a big deal to me, you should know that." You know, it's strange, I know I idealize my mom, and her concern for me is like a balm most of the times, but right now, when I'm lying to her so blatantly, its irritating that she's so worried. I guess it's because I've spent all my life wanting people to help me, to care for me, and the one time I don't want it, I'm having it dangled in my face. It's just so unfair.

"Thanks mom, I know. But you don't have to worry anymore, nothing is wrong. I'm fine, everything is under control. I've gone back to work too, so it/s all good."

"You sure honey?" For a second I hesitate, but then I realize that she's probably been crying ever since Dan told her. I don't want her to be like that, I've got a long road ahead of me. Why make her part of it?

"Yea. I'm sure. I gatta go now mom. Losts of work to do. I'll call you later okay."

"Alright sweetie. Take care of yourself and remember…mom loves you."

"You too mom. Bye."

Okay, she seems to have bought that. Now I have to figure out how to get the rest of the gang off my back…

"V—Bear! You coming for lunch or what?" Oh right I forgot about that.

"Right behind you mocha bear!"

We didn't actually discuss Turk's married life at lunch, mostly because Carla was there too. What we did do was, have a staring contest. Actually it was Turk and Carla staring at me, while I tried to stare at the hot nurse Teena sitting behind them. They were obviously trying to figure out what was going on with me, but if they thought they were being discreet, they weren't.

"So you gonna tell us or do we have to pry it out of you?" Here we go again.

"You know what you can pry put of me…" Oh no, is don't let Todd sit here Carla!

"Keep walking Casanove." Yes, I love it when she mind reads….wait a minute….Todd just gace me the perfect idea for a cover story.

"Okay fine. You want to know what happened, I'll tell you."

"That's right my man, just let it all out. The T dog is here for you (Carla gives him a dirty look) and Carla too."

"Thanks. Anyway, Dan and I ended up driving to Vagas the night I landed, over there I met the amazing bartender. We fell in love instantly, got crazy drunk, had animal sex on the pool table…and then got married." Oh well, so what if she didn't ask me out, she will forever be my fake wife.

"What! You got married in Vagas!" That was totally in unison. I wonder if they practice.

"Yea, but only for the night, because she divorced me the next day, when she became sober and realized that I wasn't really her ex boyfriend." Actually that sounds depressingly like something that would happen to me.

"You got married without me there!!!" Oh man! Turk is making me feel guilty for a fake marriage. How does he do that?"

"That doesn't even count Turk, I barely remember being married."

"It does count and you know it!" I think I've opened a totally new can of worms here.

"I'm sorry brown bear, you know I would never get married without you if I was sober. Plus when I get married for real, you're going to be the best man, you know that."

"Still. You only get married the first time, the first time. And I invited you for my wedding." Oh I have him there.

"Turk you didn't even show up for your own wedding. So technically I wasn't there when you got married either."

"That's a good point." Ha…this is the best fake conversation I've ever had!

"Wait, I still don't get why your mom was so upset." Oh…right…that part. Darn it Carla, why can't you let go of the minor details, like ever!

"Urm, She was worried…because she thinks I'm really sensitive and getting divorced one day after getting married would have been traumatizing for me." I was trying to make it sound like I wasn't making this up as I went along, but it sort of came out monotone. I don't think they noticed though.

"You are a sensi man. " Yup, didn't notice!

"Awe Bambi, I can't believe you got married. Have you told Elliot yet?"

"Why would I tell her. She's with Keith, it shouldn't matter. Besides, I was drunk, its not like I had a huge chapel wedding and didn't invite her."

"Yea, it's probably best you don't, she's going to go crazy once she realizes that all her friends got married before her." Man all these complications in fake story were not anticipated. I bet I'll have to smooth things over with her too, once she hears about it. She will hear about it too, this is Carla after all. There is no way the entire hospital won't be up my butt over the whole thing. At least they'll be focused on other things though. I don't mind being the butt end of controversy; it's a lot better than being at the end of…anyway…all in good time I guess.

"Next time I get married, not only do I want to be sober, I want doves to fly out of a white carriage. And there need to be tons of daisies everywhere. Do men get to hold bouquets?" I would too, if I had the chance to do all of that. I even have a wedding planner in my locker. I bought it when I was dating Julie and also pretending not to go too fast in the relationship. That so didn't work ut for me.

"Oh my god, can you be a bigger dork? What did you do after you got divorced?"

"I lay in Dan's apartment cuddling with my stuffed unicorn and watching Gilmore girls all two weeks."

"Oh so that's why you seemed so low. Poor Bambi, why didn't you tell us?"

"I was embarrassed." Okay they need to get off this topic, even I'm starting to believe myself.

"Anyway, Turk, do you wanna go to the scooter rally this weekend?"

"I don't have a scooter anymore remember. Because "some people" wouldn't let me keep my scooter." He still hasn't forgiven Carla for that huh?

"I wasn't planning on taking part anyway, you can take mine and I can cheer for you."

"Oh, it'll be like playing basketball."

"Exactly!" I'm glad he agreed, I've missed spending time with Turk these past couple of weeks, and I know he wanted to go to the scooter rally for a while. There's no way I'd be able to do the rally anymore, but at least this way I can still be part of it.

"Okay cool. I should get back to work now."

"See ya JD."

…………………

It's been a week since I came back and the whole fake marriage and divorce story has finally blown over. Unfortunately, Elliot found out about the whole thing and is now officially not talking to me anymore. She's been asserting her anger all week by knocking all my charts from my hands every time she sees me. This in itself is not the problem, the problem is the Janitor.

"hey meathead, lets throw stuff around." And so he's got my stethoscope, my pen and, somehow, my shoes too. How did he do that?

"Janitor not today." Its true, today has been a particularly tiring day. It;s not even half done and I already feel like keeling over. I've been panting every few minutes and have been deliberately waiting for orderlies with empty gurneys to pass by so I can hitch a ride to where ever I want to go. Actually, I think if I bribe Davis the bald orderly, he might let me hire him as a hospital taxi for today. Honestly though, I just don't have it in me right now, to do anything but lie down. Not for this especially.

"Oh yea and why not? Am I not important enough for you to talk to? You only play games with Blonde Doctor, Is that it?"

"What? No…I.." I can't continue as a bout of dry cough takes over yet again. I've been trying to suppress it all day, especially in front of patients but it's not working very well. "Listen, you're really.." Damn cough! "Can we do this later? I have work to get back to."

"Oh so only your work is important, mine isn't. That's right, janitors don't do any work…" I basically wasn't listening anymore because it's pointless going up this road again. Instead, my head was beginning to spin and I was trying to figure out which was up. The Janitor's face was going in and out of focus, like a bad camera trick. Then suddenly everything came back to focus again and I realized that the Janitor had stopped talking.

"You didn't hear anything I said did you?"

"No. not really." Oh well if he's going to harass me anyway, what's the point in lying.

"You make me so mad, I might actually go out and kill people if I step outside this door right this second."

_Imagines the Janitor bursting through the hospital doors with a window cleaner spray bottle. "Die sick people, tired Doctors and overworked nurses Die!!!" He yells, spraying everyone in the face. One doctor gets windex square in the eyes, and his face melts. Another nurse gets some on her scrubs and start to cry. "No! not my pink scrubs!" Then the Janitor turns to JD. "This is all your fault! He points the Windex at JD's pants. JD begins to run the other way in slow motion and gets some on his butt for all his efforts. _

"Oh it would be wet down there."

"You're an idiot."

"Yes, can I have my stuff back? You can get me back for whatever you want, after work. I have a patient to see right now and she's been waiting for a while to find out what's wrong with her."

"Untill we meet again then." I bet he thinks of himself as a medieval king. Oh well, at least I got my stuff back.

"I guess I should expect a horrible retaliation for night?"

"Oh you have no idea." Great, just what I need.

………………..

Okay, the day had gotten progressively worse. I can't seem to stop coughing, I've been trying to keep it on the DL around patients but the tremors keep getting more and more obvious. Not to mention the fact that I almost passed out from climbing up and then down the stairs for two separate emergencies. I'm leaning against the railing outside, pretending to watch the football match, but in reality, all I see is stars. I can barely breathe and I'm afraid that if someone else codes today, I'll be the next one to be wheeled in right along with them.

"Dr Dorian." Oh, didn't even notice Dr. Kelso come out.

"Yes sir?"

"Take the rest of the day off." What?

"Excuse me?"

"Do you want me to say it slowly or in moron? Because I'm sure I spoke quite clearly."

"No I mean, why?"

"We both know why Dr Dorian." Oh he's cutting me a break. I'm not sure if I want to take it, I know I definitely need to, but actually going home in the middle of a shift seems a little too…obvious.

"What do I tell Dr Cox?"

"Son, I'm the chief of staff here dammit. I don't have to explain myself to anyone, so when I tell you to leave, you leave because I tell you to. Who is Dr Cox to ask me why?"

At first I didn't get it, but then it dawned on me. All I had to tell Dr Cox was that Dr Kelso gave me the day off. He does do that occasionally, when he wants to push the interns to do better or to give more work to Dr Cox. Granted, I usually never leave like other attendings do, but I don't think it's a good idea for me stay today.

"Thank you sir."

"Whatever, I get to rub something in Perry's face. It's a win win situation." I smiled at that. I was going to get one up on Dr Cox too, this had to be a good thing. Still, I felt like I was forgetting something important. I just couldn't put my finger on it. The feeling kept nagging me as I went to get my stuff from my locker, but nothing came to mind.

When I finally came back out, Dr Kelso was still standing outside, yelling at Ted, Turk and Lani were playing basketball and Carla had taken over my spot on the railing. I was just about to pass them and get onto Sasha when the Janitor came out of nowhere, swinging on a cable, and grabbed me by the caller, slamming me into the wall next to the parking lot. So that's what I was forgetting….ouch.

I must have passed out for a few seconds because when I came to, I was on the floor, with everyone gathered around me. They didn't look particularly concerned though, because this sort of stuff does happen all the time. The only thing is, normally, I just get up shrug the whole thing off with a joke, this time though, I can't.

I can't breathe

I try desperately to heave some oxygen into my lungs but its just not working. I panic for a moment, darting my eyes from Turk to Carla to Dr Keslo. Dr Keslo immediately takes control of the situation.

"OK give the man some room to breathe." He says, slowly pulling me up to a sitting position. I quickly whisper into his ear that I can't breathe. He doesn't acknowledge it but I can tell that he heard.

"Nurse Turkleton, go grab the Janitor for me. His head is about to be the new trophy on my wall…finally." I didn't even realize that the Janitor was missing. Probably swung back into his bad cave.

"JD? You okay man? " I smile back at my best friend, or at least in his general direaction.

"I'll be right back buddy." I think he's a little worried. This has happened before though, so I don't expect him to go off the hook. We are right next to a hospital after all. At least this time I have people around me, most of the times I just lie there for a few hours until someone notices that the janitor has pulled a …Janitor on me.

"Bambi? How's your head"

"It's the usual." I wheeze out. It's really not my head that I'm worried about.

"Okay take it easy, we got you. And I swear to god, that Janitor is going to cry like a little girl once I'm through with him."

I'm starting to get restless at this point though, because there is literally no air going into my lungs. I'm like ziplock bag!

I can feel Carla's hand rubbing my back as I huff a little bit.

"Okay Nurse Turkleton, go grab an ice pack to stop the bleeding. I'm going to escort Dr Dorian into the hospital." Carla is giving Dr Kelso a curious look. I would too if I saw him being nice to anyone else in front of me. But I know he's a good guy on the inside. Deep down, as in millions of miles down. "Move woman." With that Carla springs to her feet and walks away in a huff.

"Okay Dr Dorian, I'm giving you my wife's inhaler right now, take a few wiffs of it and see if that helps." I do as he tells me, and surprisingly, it does help. Just after inhaling twice, I feel my lungs open up a little. Thank god, I felt like I was back on the swim team again, trying to hold my breath under water. Not the most fun times. Its never been this acute before, but I've had this feeling off and on lately, its really starting to scare me.

"Thanks sir. " I breathe out.

"Okay, go with nurse Turkleton and I'll see if I can get you a ride home. I imagine that's where you're heading right after she's done with you."

"Yes. I believe I am." Oh well, at least now I have a valid reason to go home, in front of everyone else at least.

"Don't forget what we talked about, especially after this little…whatever this was."

"I won't" He's right too, I need to be really careful if I'm going to continue to work here. He just nods at me and leaves as Carla comes to take over.

"Poor Bambi! How you feeling? Where does it hurt?" Now that I can breathe again, I realize that my head really is killing me.

"Ginormous headache."

"Come on, I've got an ice pack with your name on it, and some pain killers."

"Good, painkillers are really good!"

Leading me to the nurse station, she sat me down on one of the chairs to take care of my injuries.

"Malina! What did you do?" Oh no Dr Cox! Here comes all the quibbling I'm about to reply when Carla cuts him.

"The Janitor." Carla cuts in. "Now leave him alone, he got slammed into the wall."

"I should go thank the man. By gosh I know I wanted to do it for ages."

"What…" I am again rudely interrupted by my own bout of coughing. "What…that the best you can do Dr Cox? You can do better insults in your sleep. Come on, kicking me when I'm down is your forte." I know it's totally uncalled for but Dr Cox has been grating my nerves all week. He's been giving me extra patients when I already have my own, making me run around the hospital to do all sorts of stuff, just because he can. Sadly for me, no matter how much I want him to stay away, I can't actually so no to him, so I've been over working myself because of it. And now, he comes in here, making fun of me while I'm sick, tired and hurt. It is totally unnecessary. Granted, he doesn't actually know that he needs to concern himself with most of these problems, but still, sometimes it feels good to get things off my chest.

"Why Newbie, you're absolutely right. I do have plenty of new material. Let's see, this list of things I enjoy more than kicking you when you're down, is brought to you by the overworked, underpaid and highly annoyed Doctor foundation. Lets see…ahh….hummm…actually the only thing in this list is…sex with my wife. In fact if I could make you feel miserable while still having sex with her highness, I'd probably go right to heaven after that. Of course having to look at you while having sex would probably make me gag, thus defeating the purpose of making myself feel just so gosh darn dandy….

"Okay, we all get it. You don't care, now what say you scadadle while I try to figure out which way is up." I'm surprising myself with my new found ability to talk back to Dr Cox but hell I've been under his wing for the past six years, something should stick. I could of course blame it on the searing pain in my head that's making me Mr. Grumpy, but I'd like to think it's more about the protégé thing.

"Charlie, you make me so angry, I want to kill myself."

"Charlie is a guy's name." Yay me, I'm on a roll. And why is everyone talking about killing themselves around me anyway?

"It could very well be a girl's name Newbie, and I just don't care if you don't agree because any name on you will automatically be a girl's name because you are in fact a girl."

"Hold still Bambi…this might hurt." She's calling me Bambi again, she must be worried. I didn't even notice I was bleeding until she said that. I guess arguing with Dr Cox helped a little. I wouldn't be surprised if that was his intention all along. I should be nicer to him. Ouch, that cotton ball that Carla is mercilessly jabbing in my head is freakishly cold and wet and it's making my head feel like it's on fire. I feel like I'm nightrider, only without all the fancy bike and cool power, just a head that's actually on fire. That movie really sucked. Anyways…this hurts. I try not to wince too hard though. This new need to hide my emotions seems to be restraining every little thing I do these days. Unfortunately, I do end up hissing a little, which makes Carla apologize softly.

"It's okay." I whisper back.

"I'm going to kill that janitor! Where is Turk!"

"JD, the Janitor would like to say something." There he is. Who's he with, I can't see because my head is in Carla's hands.

"Your head is shaped like a pear." Of course, first knock me out and then make fun of me, classic Janitor.

"You know Janitor, nurse's handle many different type of needles, I would hate for one of them to find their way into your rectum."

"Okay, fine, I'm sorry you got knocked unconscious."

"And…"

"IAnd it won't happen again." That's so not true, he probably means the exact same thing won't happen again. I won't say that out loud though because he'll probably maim me for it.

"Apology accepted." Do I really have a choice?

"Oh good you're all here. Dr. Dorian, your ride is waiting outside, you're free to go. Perry, you'll be taking over all his cases. Dr. Turkleton get back to work, Nurse Turkleton get me a muffin and Janitor, in my office, Now!" It's like Dr Kelso is the captain of a ship.

_Imagines all the staff as pirate and Dr. Kelso with a eye patch, an earing and a bandana, yelling out orders. "Aye, Aye captain," yells Turk who swings off an IV pole and launches himself into the surgical ward. JD, walks in with a cup of coffee. "This pirate um takes an awful lot like coffee from the nurse's station, arg" "Don't be you so picky now boy, I made that coffee." Says Carla who is pointing her sward at him. _

Carla would make a killer pirate woman. Anyway, we were all about to do as asked of us, except for Dr Cox.

"Wait a minute, he gets to leave because he got hit in the head? My god, he actually might be thinking straight for once in his life and you want to deprive his patients of proper care they might never get otherwise?" That's so uncalled for. Sometimes Dr. Cox really pushes all the wrong buttons.

"No, he gets to go because I let him. You have a problem with that, take it up with my ass." With that, Dr. Kelso turned around and left.

"Good job there Newbie, you finally joined the Devil himself. What a surprise." Oh so that's what all the hostility is about. He thinks I've stopped being his protégé and have gone on to the dark side. Interesting, that's how well he knows me after seven years. I can't say what hurts more, my head, the fact that I have to keep the biggest secret of my life from all my friends or Dr Cox, finally admitting that he never had any faith in me to begin with.

"Thanks Perry, thanks a lot. It's been a real pleasure being on your "side' because I got to have your unfailing faith in me as a token of remembrance as you subtly tossed me on my ass. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go pass out on my apartment floor and pretend like the last seven years didn't happen. Clearly, the didn't happen for you to begin with." With that, I turn around, and slowly make my way out. I'm so mad that I find it hard to breathe again, not in the same way as before though, more in a 'life is suffocating' kind of way.

Its days like these when finding out that you have a terminal illness doesn't seem like the worst thing in the world, because it's things like these that I'm probably going to miss out on when I finally say adios. Big woop.

Pulminary Fibrosis has nothing on Dr. Cox!

**A/N Don't forget to review!**


	4. Chapter 4

As a Doctor, you hear a lot of things during the day, people talking about pain, love, work, relationship and everything in between

**A/N: Oksy I know I took forever to update and I'm sorry but look…it's a long chapter! Plus…I promise that the next chapter will be REALLY soon. Please review and tell me what you think. Also…I'm sorry for all the typos. **

Dr. Cox's POV

"You're unbelievable you know that?" Oh come on, what now! It's not like what I said wasn't true. Newbie sold his soul to the devil himself!

"What about him! Why aren't you yelling at him?"

"Oh come on, if you seriously think, for even a second that JD, of all people has betrayed you, you're even a bigger idiot than I ever gave you credit for." Ouch, I've never seen Carla this mad before. I mean, sure, the woman can scare the pants off me on a good day but god is she scary right now. Her eyes a bulging out, she's doing the hand on hip, one finger in the air."Carla from the Block" thing. And she never calls me an idiot, usually its things like, mean, selfish, self involved, narcissistic, grouchy, grumpy, loud…basically everything short of an idiot. So yes, that hurts. If it were anyone else, I'd sock him or her, but its Carla. So help me god, I actually care about what she thinks. This time though, she's wrong, WRONG, SO WRONG

"Yes, of course I'm the idiot, because I actually bother to care about every sod who comes in here, while people like Newbie go home hours before their shift's ended. While I sit here, doing over time so I can prolong the life of some old fart who should have died centuries ago, Sheela decides that she's too delicate to stay and work, all because Kelso is making her the new lapdog. Don't even tell me that's not what's going on, because there was no way in hell he would have gone home like that a few weeks ago. Hell he never even spoke to Kelso for more than a second before now. But now, all of a sudden the two of them are chums?"

"So what, you're mad at him for talking to Dr. Kelso? What are you, five? Did it ever occur to you that unlike other times, JD actually might have gotten hurt this time?"

"That's a load of crap and you know it. The Janitor may be insane but he never actually hurts JD. Besides, why would the whiniest girl in the world fail to mention this to me? He's just sold out, that's all."

"I was there Perry, he literally blacked out for two minutes and then when he woke up, he totally panicked. I've never seen him as pale as he was back there. Just because he didn't cry about it, doesn't mean he needed To take a rain check. Besides, the whole head bleeding, not walking in a straight line should give you some clue, you're the doctor! Ever heard of a concussion?"

"Please, Newbie not communicating about his bad experiences, that would be a first. How do you explain Kelso offering help? This is Bobbo here, he's ne-he-he-he-ever nice. In fact, he's the opposite of nice. He is un-nice. The only reason he asked Newbie to leave is to gloat, because he's finally got Newbie on his side. All these years, that girl was trying to be my protégé, only to be swept off her feet by the devil himself. Go figure."

"You know what your problem is? You're jealous." Okay, the woman has totally lost it.

"No no no nononono No! I'm disappointed, betrayed, angry, even disgusted, not jealous."

"You're jealous because JD isn't giving you all his attention and instead of talking to him about it, you're looking for reasons to get mad at him."

"Am not!" Am I?

"Yes you are, and if you weren't so preoccupied with being a bad mentor, you'd realize that JD went home because he's in no condition to work. He's never left early before, heck he's always here a few hours early and leaves way past his shift. So why don't you get off your high horse, put your apologetic face on, and say sorry to him first thing tomorrow, or I'll make sure you're sorry for a whole new reason."

There are two reasons why this is affecting me, one being that Carla is threatening me, which is something people around here don't take lightly. Secondly, she could, possibly, maybe, have a point. Of course, there is no way in hell I'll tell her that.

"I'll apologize to him when hell freezes over, now if you'll excuse me, unlike other people, I have work to do." I may not be from the block, but I do live with Jordan, I own defense mechanisms! This one being denial, but what hell, go for broke. "You on the other hand can waste your entire shift, telling other people what to do, for all I care." Oh My God, her face is actually changing color. I can't help but walk faster, as I turn the nearest exit. I'm a dead man.

Walking into the supply closet which I had mistaken for a patient's room, I can't help but think about what Carla said. It's true, Newbie hasn't said more than two sentences to me since he came back. While this makes me feel thrilled and downright giddy, it also makes me boil with anger when he walks right past me to chat up with Bobbo.

I don't get to rant in his face anymore because he keeps avoiding me, even when I do manage a few good ones, he doesn't even look directly at me so I can enjoy his emotional breakdown. Maybe I'm a little peeved about that, not jealous. He is my punching bag dammit, he can't go off to Kelso's team! The man does not need more people groveling at his feet, especially not dignified people like Newbie. He may be the biggest idiot on god's green earth but he's always been a good doctor and he always cares about his patients. He used to anyway, that's what really scares me. If he did leave because he wasn't his 100 percent, that's all well and good, but if not, then he doesn't care anymore. If that's the case, he is not getting away with it, not in this hospital and not on my shift.

…………………..

JD's POV

As I dramatically walk away from Dr Cox, I can't help but dwell on the black hole my life has suddenly become, because everything in it just totally sucks. I don't know what to do with myself. Ever since all this started, I've been stumbling all over myself, trying to get things under control, but the more I try, the more things spiral haywire. It wasn't supposed to be like this, I was supposed to be the guy who had all the solutions: I'm a doctor for god's sake. I'd think of better reasons for why this isn't supposed to happen to my but my head hurts so much that it doesn't seem worth the trouble. I can barely breathe at this point either. I should make a list of all the things that have gone wrong in a span of 3 weeks. Lets see

I'm dying

I've decided not to tell any of my friends

I'm still working but its getting harder to do that

Dr Cox thinks I'm a traitor

the Janitor knocked me unconscious and I woke up completely unable to breathe

One of my patients tried to hook me up with her son!!

Hot nurse Emma didn't walk by me all day

and oh yes…I'm dying, did I mention that already?

I'm such a total looser.

"Dr. Dorian? Are you ready to go?" And just like that, I had another thing to add to the list, the delivery guy who plays extremely loud and angry music is dropping me home! Why does he play such angry music anyway? I wonder if his dad was like Doctor Cox, the love for yelling and anger might explain it.

As I get into the car and try not to think about how the music is going to send my headache over the edge, to the side of mean migraine land, a thought occurs to me. I wish I had told delivery guy about my dislike for heavy metal the first time he had asked. Why do I do that? I always pretend to be okay with things so that other people feel comfortable around me. It seems like such an idiotic thing to do, when you really think about it. Is that what I'm doing right now? Just hiding everything because I want people to like me, or to be okay around me? No, not really. It's not so simple this time. This time, it's not because I'm scared of how people will see me, or think of me, its not even about having people act normal around me. It's much more. I guess it all started with Dan.

………………

**3 weeks ago **

_I'm not sure if I'm making the biggest mistake since watching basic instinct two, but I've finally decided to take a few weeks off from work to go visit Dan. To be honest though, it was barely my decision. I've just been so exhausted these past few days that Elliot, Carla and Turk practically forced me into it. Its not that I'm complaining about the down time, that part is fantabulas. What worries me is the decision I made at a weak moment, of checking out Dan's new apartment. He isn't exactly known for his overflowing love as a big brother, nor for his hospitality. So Dan actually inviting me to his place makes me think that something horrible is going to happen to me. I'm think it's either me becoming his house elf for the next two weeks, or his lab experiment for bad pranks. Heck he might even invite all my ex-girlfriends over so that he can have a huge orgy, and make me watch. God! Why did I agree to this? It's too late to back down now, I'm already here. _

_Crappers! _

_Exiting the airport, I feel like I've run a marathon. My backpack seems so heave against my back, my legs feel weightless and weak and I've been coughing throughout the trip. I was so noisy in fact, that the little old lady with a hearing aide kept giving me dirty looks the whole time. I just want to crawl into a bed and stay there till this vacation is over, but of course, that's not going to happen just yet. I have to go meet Dan at the new bar he's working in. He won't get off work for another few hours, so I'll probably have to stick around till then so that we can both go back to his place together. It's like being forced to watch a football match when you have no idea what's going on. Admittedly that happens to me all the time, but still, I just want to sleep! _

_I did manage a few winks during the cab ride, but that just makes me feel even more exhausted. I feel like I watched a fantastic trailer but didn't go for the movie. I don't know why I'm making so many analogies but there it is, my tired brain making sense of the world around me. Sadly, I have no idea why I'm this tired. I just sat through the entire flight, literally doing nothing. I'm probably coming down with something. Great, more joy to add to this so called vacation. _

_I don't want to intentionally ruin my vacation though, so I'm going to try and stay positive. things might start looking up, maybe Dan won't be completely obnoxious and may be, whatever this is, will go away. Hey, maybe I'll find god, meet Santa clause and check myself into Hogwarts. Okay, now I'm channeling Dr. Cox. . _

_As I walk into the dimly lit bar called "Bobby's bathroom", I spot Dan juggling beer bottles smack in the middle of the long bar counter. I just stare at his efficiency for a little while. He seems so confident and at ease with all that alchahol He's effortlessly tossing two Coronas in the air simultaneously, catching them both and then flinging them back in the air.. People are cheering him on and hooting at his antics. I feel a ting of nostalgia. Dan and I have spent a lot of summers behind bar counters, twirling glasses, juggling bottles and sliding beer mugs. We made a good team back then, even if he took my cut of the pay to take my girlfriends out on dates. Okay, so not all good times, but it was fun while it lasted. Plus, for me it was just a way to pay for school, not for Dan. He never grew up, he never moved on. Maybe I can convince him to try something else this trip. Apply for a real job maybe? Again, being the next Harry Potter seems more likely. _

_Imagines himself, dressed in Grifindor robes, classes and de-gelled hair. He's waving a wand at Dan. "Geto, Jobus that's not a barus." He yells, pointing the wand at Dan's chest. A blue light shoots out of the want, turning Dan's baggy outfit into a business suit. "Thanks JD, You're the best wizard ever, and the best brother!" It sounds rehearsed even to JD's ears but he shrugs it off, trying overly hard to be modest." I'm just doing what I do." _

_I could brainwash people with my wand! Anyway, I make my way to the bar, sliding into a stool. _

"_Hey there little brother!" He says cheerfully. That's the thing about us, we're always cheerful, or at least we pretend to be. _

"_Hey. Nice place." It was too, there are pink and green neon lights everywhere, but its not overpowering. _

"_Thanks. Want a drink?" I didn't _

"_Yea sure, band me a beer." What? I hate beer. _

"_Beer coming up." He comes back with a Guinus, which I especially think tastes Ikkie. "Okay, so I'm done in a an hour, so till then, chill with the ladies little brother." He says gestures towards a crowd of drunk girls who are flailing their hands in the air, totally off key, in the middle of the dance floor. I'm too tired to bother with all that tonight. _

"_I'll just sit here and attract the ladies to me, right here." Dan just snorts and goes back to doing whatever he does best. _

_An hour passes by in a blur, as the crazy drunk guy in my head, beats the hell out of my brains on the inside. I've got such a killer headache, that I don't even notice the girl on the other side of the bar, giving me the come hither look, until she scoffs at me for ignoring her. Incidentally, she is the same girl who ultimately asked the guy sitting next to me to take her to his apartment. Honestly, it doesn't matter at that point. I'm so completely beat, I feel like something the cat dragged in, mostly because I probably asked the cat for a ride because I couldn'y drag my own sorry tush anywhere._

_Finally, after Dan has asked has hit on everything with that moves, he finally notices that I'm falling asleep on my rotating stool. Unfortunately, he decides to rotate the said stool for funzies. Let me tell you, rotating a guy with a killer headache is not a good idea. Nothing can possibly make you sick faster. My only consolation was that when I did decide to throw up, Dan was definitely not the one laughing. Instead, he was at the receiving end of my breakfast from this morning. In your face! Literally! _

_For a moment Dan just stood there. And then as though nothing had happened, "Okay, I'm going to go with ew." _ I could only reply with a groan.

"_So not cool. My own little brother can't hold his drink." He muttered, wiping himself with the a tissue. _

"_Actually I'm not drunk." I whisper, feeling slightly better, how that I'd relieved my urge. "I didn't even drink my Appletini." _

"_Right whatever you say little brother. What do you say, we set out of here?" _

"_I say, finally!" _

…………………_._

_Things didn't get better from there as I had hoped. I tossed and turned on the couch, feeling decidedly ikkie all night. I was tired but not sleepie. I had a headache which made my head feel heavy. Not to mention, somewhere along the line, I'd developed this hacking cough that just wouldn't stop. I was so bummed out that even Dan had kept his pranks to a bare minimum. In fact, he was the one who brought me some water at some point at night. Although I think it was more because I was keeping him up with all the noise and he just wanted to shut me up for a few seconds. _

_Next morning I was looking like death warmed over. And that wasn't far from what I felt like either. _

"_Good morning little brother. Pa cakes?", Ah those pancakes smelled like heaven. Fitting. _

"_Yes please."_

"_You look…what's the word (snaps his fingers) hideous!"_

"_Why thank you Dan, nice to know you care", my voice sounds all crackle. "Anyway, I was wondering if I (cough)..If I could borrow your car for a few hours. Go see some of the old friends." _

"_No way. My car cannot be seen near the chess club." _

"_Hey, they're humans too okay. Besides, Jake and Terry are all grown up now. They hang out at scribblers instead." _

"_You mean the scrabble club for group geeks." _

"_So not the point. Come on Dan. I let you do whatever you want when you come over. I even introduced you to Elliot. Even with your weird need to always sleep with the girls I love. Speaking of which, heard from Emma and Daisy lately?" _

"_Oh yea, we have one night stands every few weeks." Of course. Why did I ask him anyway?" _

"_Right…okay, so I'm going to go and I'm taking the car." I got up to reach over and grab Dan's key from the kitchen counter, but never made it. All of a sudden I light headed. My vision blurred, and everything started swirling anti-clockwise. I'm not sure why that was important to me. Somehow thought it was, mostly because it's the last thing I remember thinking about before everything went blank. _

…………………_.. _

_The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital, with Dan's and another Doctor's head staring down at me. _

"_Hey there little brother. Have a good nap." The usual humor in Dan's voice was missing and that scared me. _

"_What happened?" _

"_You got drunk and had a wild night, running naked across the city, not pretty." _

"_No I didn't" Did I? _

"_You fainted Dr. Dorian." Interrupted the strangely unattractive doctor standing next to Dan. _

"_Any Diagnosis yet"_

"_We're waiting on a few test results. In the main time I'd like to run a few more tests while you're up." _

"_I'm going to go grab a coffee. I'll be back. Want a cookie or something." _

"_I'm good." The truth was, I was scared. This wasn't Sacred Heart. I didn't know anyone but Dan here. This was all so surreal. What was wrong with me? I could make a few guesses. Judging by all my symptoms, but there were quite a few possibilies. For some reason, I could only think of the worst ones. I guess its harder to be a patient if you've been a doctor. I know way too much for my own good. _

_It seems like hours later, all my tests are done. I must have been poked and prodded in a gazzilian places. I feel like a pin cushion. Dan has been dozing of on the chair in my room and I've been keeping my brain occupied with day dreams of Dr House, picking me as a to be solved. It was fun until Dr house started to sound like Dr. Cox. Suddenly, my thoughts are interrupted by the 'Dr ugles'. Unfortunately, the moment he walked in. I knew he was going to give me bad news. He had his 'serious face' on. I've used that one way to many times not to recognize it. Strangely, the serious face makes him look better than his smiley face. He must volunteer for all the tough cases so he can feel pretty. Anyway, I recognized that look. _

"_Dr. Dorian. I'm afraid I was some bad news." And there they were, the fateful words."You have idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis." Oh crap. _

"_Whats that?" Oh Dan's up. I didn't notice. I wasn't noticing anything actually. My whole world was crashing down on me. This is bad, really bad. You know that feeling when it seems like someone place a ton of bricks on your chest, making it hard to breathe, think or even feel. That's what I was going through. _

"_Pulmonary fibrosis is a chronic disease which causes inflammation and scarring of the air sacs interstitial tissues of the lungs." _

"_So How do you treat that…thinga-majig" _

"_Urm, we can start Dr. Dorian on Corticosteroids to help with certain symptoms and give him therapy to help him breathe easier. Unfortunately, there is no known cure for this disease. Especially because in Dr. Dorian's case, the cause is unknown." _

"_So…what does that mean exactly?" I knew what it meant, but I couldn't bring myself to explain this to Dan myself. I couldn't bring myself to look at Dan. He sounded confues and hopeful at the same time. God he has no idea what's going on. _

"_Mr Dorian, this is a terminal illness. Which means that there is no cure for it and…"_

"_I know what a terminal illness is" Dan snapped. Then he just sat there, silently glaring at the doctor. He looked pissed. I wouldn't want to be in Dr Ugles' shoes right now. Then again, he wouldn't want to be in mine either. _

"_Is the progress rapid?" I had to know…how much time…how long till the show was over. _

"_Not as far as we can tell." Some how that didn't console me. I can't believe it. I'm dying. I know everyone dies eventually. But I never dreamed that I would be dealing with my old friend the reaper, quite so early: definitely not for my own soul anyway. I just want to get out of here. Run away, go back to Sacred Heart: where everything is normal. I wish Turk was here. He'd know exactly how to handle this. And Carla would be all motherly and protective. Elliot would probably…actually she'd freak out…never mind. God! What am I going to do? How will I tell them? How will I work. Wait…is there time to work? I mean, if the progress isn't rapid, then I have at least a couple of months. If my medication ad therapy work out, then I can work for at least a month before everything goes down hill. We'd have to see. _

"_I'd like to contine my treatment in L.A" _

"_Certainly. But you're going to have to stick around for a few days. We have to work out a drug dosage before we transfer you. For now, you're free to go home. As long as you come back tomorrow afternoon so that we can work things out.", giving a slight nod, he left the room. _

_The room was eerily silent. Neither of us knew what to say. I was to lost in dooms day thoughts to actually say anything. I bet Dan was too. It was all too weird. Then finally, Dan let one out, and the silence was replaced by a really bad smell. _

"_That would be our cue to leave." He said, getting up. I just followed my robotically. I didn't have anything to add. All the way home, Dan just kept on yammering. I think he was talking about purple pajamas at one point? The silence scared hi I think. _

_When we got home, he started getting his room ready for me to sleep in. This should have surprised me because he never lets me take the bed. But I wasn't even paying attention. _

_A few hours later, I lay awake, tucked in bed. I was just staring at the ceiling, lost to the world, when suddenly, a noise took me out of my trance. What the hell? That sounded like a little girl. Why is there a little girl in Dan's apartment? And why is she crying? My curiosity got the better of me. I just had to know. So I slowly got out of bed, and made my way to the living room. _

_What I saw took my breath away on so many different and not at all fun levels. Dan was sitting on the couch, with his head in his hands and sobbing like a child. My big brother, the most abnoxious man alive, was crying on the couch. He was crying over me. I'll be honest, this shocked me more than hearing about my impeding death. Dan never cried, hell Dan never admitted to sadness. I couldn't see him like this. Turning around, I went right back into my room. Dan wouldn't want to be caught crying, especially not by me. _

_I just sat on my bed, listening for the heart wrenching sounds to subdue. They didn't for a long time. It was that day when I realized two bery big things. One, that I was really going to die. And two, that no one could find out about it. I refuse to put my friends thought the things Dan is going through now. I don't even see Dan that often. I'm so much closer to Turk, Carla, Elliot and even Dr. Cox .Heck, I've spent more time with Turk than anyone else in my whole life. He will not take this well. Not to mention, I'm still madly in love with Elliot. This would send her over her already psychotic edge, and I don't want to put myself through that. Mostly though, I can't tell them because I want things to stay normal. I can't handle watching my pillars of strength crumble in front of me. I want them to be my source of strength because I sure can't handle comforting them right now. Besides, I'm going to miss my normal life, not the messed up life that follows around during a terminal illness. If I can prolong the good times, maybe the bad times won't be so hard to handle. _

_Maybe. _

_(end flashback) _

Or maybe my normal life wasn't as amazing as I had made it sound. God my life sucks


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: sorry guyes, I know this has taken sooooo very long to come back...but I lost my muse...but thankfully its back. So enjoy the chapter. i hope someone is still reading this. If you are...do leave a review. Thanks a ton for all your support so far.

Turk's POV

Carla told me what went down between Vanilla Bear and Dr. Cox. I can't believe Cox thinks JD would switch camps. I personally don't get why JD even bothers, but even an idiot can see that my Vanilla Bear would literally plan his own funeral just to get Dr. Cox to admit that he's his mentor. Hell, JD would be more likely to join the Nazzi camp than go against Dr. Cox. Besides, there isn't a single Doctor in this hospital that is more concerned about his patients than JD. Not me, not Elliot, not even Dr Cox himself can deny that. JD cares just a little too much for his own good. When we used to live together, sometimes I used to get competitive with JD, over who spends more of their free time at the hospital. I never won that, mostly because JD didn't realize that we were competing, and he just stuck around for one patient or another. Its not like I didn't go the extra mile for my patients, for some of them, yea, but mostly, I just hung out with Carla in my free time. Maybe that's one of the reasons JD cares so much, its because he doesn't have a Hot Wife to think about all the time. Yea sure, there's Elliot, but their on again, off again thing is just too complicated. The bottom line is though, JD does care about his patients and isn't skipping out.

I don't know what Cox's problem is, but for messing with JD when he's hurt, he's so going to get the silent treatment. In fact, I think Carla and Elliot are joining in on the operation "Ignore Cox" this time. And if Carla joins in, then the nurses join in, if the nurses join in, then it will be a crazy Cox ignoring fest. Hells to the yes!

But that's later, right now, I've got a pizza and root beer with my buddy's name on it. I thought JD could use a little TLC, so here I am…standing at his doorstep, waiting for him to open up. Only, Man is he taking his own sweet time. I can here him scuttling around, but it doesn't seem like he's about to open the door.

"Dude, I need to pee, Open the door!", Finally after ages, the J-Dowg opens up.

"Turk! Hey…" hey waves awkwardly.

Man he looks horrible. His eyes are all puffy, he has a bandair above his eyebrow, his face is all pale…paler than usual that is. Why is he panting like that?

"Dude, did you try Yoga again? I told you it's not your thing."

"Oh…yea...that's what I was doing…you know...the stretching makes you more flexible."

"Really? The misses might enjoy that, you know what I'm saying." I say, making my way into his apartment.

"Yea." He nods, trudging behind me.

"JD? You okay?", I was gonna go for the indirect approach, but he looks like a fizzeled out football right now.

"Yea…you know." He says dismissively, easing himself on the couch.

"I heard what Dr Cox said. Don't worry Vanilla Bear. I got your back. He's got no business saying all that stuff to you. If you ant to get back at him, you tell me." Suddenly I got excited at the idea. I practally bounced on the chair I was sitting on. "We could give him the silent treatment together. Oh and get the whole hospital to do it and…"

"Nah its okay. I don't care what Perry thinks. If he doesn't think I'm a responsible doctor, then he doesn't desrve….he doesn't deserve my respect…he obviously never respected me." Okay, weird. I never expected that to come out of JD's mouth. Man Cox really screwed up this time. JD never reacts this strongly to petty fights.

"Well I don't know about him, but you know we respect you buddy. Me, Carla, Elliot and everyone else."

"Everyone but my supposed mentor."

"Well he's not your mentor if he doesn't respect you…like you said."

"Obviously."

"Listen man, forget him. You don't need a mentor. You're a great doctor, and now its your turn to be someone's mentor. You have interns that love you, a great career, and you're an amazing person. Who wouldn't want to be taught by you. Its time you do your own thing."

"Maybe."

"Come on JD lighten up. Look, I have pizza, root beer and the season set of Cheers! Lets just kick back and relax huh?" I was expecting a smile, maybe an enthusiastic 'yay' or at least a quote from the show. But instead I got…coughing…lots of coughing. /And then, he got up so suddenly, I was a little startled.

"Thanks buddy. I can't. I have lots of work to do. And I want to head to bed early. Some other day?" So wasn't expecting that.

"JD, what's going on dude? You're all pale and sick…did u go get that checked out?"

"Yea…its just a cold. I'm good. Back to work tomorrow. So I gatta sleep soon." While he was saying this, he was pushing me out he door.

"But…"

"Tell Carla I said hi and give Izzie a hug from my side. Night Turk."

"Dude I…" And then the door was slammed in my face. When I say, that was weird. I sort of expect a "Duh" to be flashed in front of my face. What the hell was that? Something is totally wrong with JD. Everyone has been aware of it lately. The problem is no one seems to know what the problem is. Its not just Dr. Cox that's bothering him, nor is it the janitor. I mean sure, today must suck for him, but this, whatever it is, has been going on for a long time. He's always looks exhausted, he barely plays hide and seek with me, no more giant doctor shticks , no impromptu trips, nothing. He's just been working and going home. Come on JD, let me in...literally.

………………….

JD's POV

God, I feel awful. Actually, that's probably the biggest understatement of the year. I'm so completely tired, I can barely think in a straight line, forget walking. I wish someone would just take out my lungs, give them a good wash and stuff them back in so I can breathe properly.

_Imagines a pretty blonde woman wearing 60s style clothing, sporting an apron and carrying a laundry basket. "JD dear, do you have anything to give for laundry." _

_JD puts his hands under his shirt and pulls out his lungs. "Yea, I've been meaning to wash these but just haven't gotten around to it. Thanks sweet pea."The pretty lady gives and over enthusiastic grin and accepts the organs, before skipping out the door. _

That would be a good plot for Pleasantville. Sadly, there's no way to do that right here, Instead, I'm curled up on my couch, just riding out the headache, breathlessness, nausea and the bout of coughing that is currently rattling my insides like a tambourine in the hands of a drunk monkey.

I've already stuffed my face full of medication, and I should be feeling better sometime soon, but man is it taking long. Urhg, I feel so horrible, I think my head is ringing. Or is that the door bell? God please let it be my head. I'm pretty sure, entertaining anyone right now will be a BIG no no. And, that would be Turk yelling through the door. Good job on the listening God. Great, just great.

As I make my way groggily towards the door, I can barely see where I'm going. I guess that explains why I suddenly take an involuntary summersault into the air, as Rowdy magically appears between my war path towards the door. Man is it not my day. Hell is not my month, or year. Whatever.

Once again, I hawl my but of the floor, and open the door to a jittery Turk and God bless him…Pizza. Too bad I'm not in any condition to eat or talk. I bet you he is planning on doing both. I'm too out of breath for a few seconds, but then I finally muster up the strength to speak.

"Turk, Hey." Man I'm awkward. The thing is, he knows me, he can tell that something's wrong. The look he's giving me has "what the hell happened to you" written all over it. Thank god though, Turk usually comes up with his own conclusions. Normally he is spot on, because he knows everything I know. This time though, he's missing the main link to all my problems. He won't make the right connections just yet. So when he thinks I look like crap because of Yoga, who am I to disagree?

Unfortunately that's not enough to sway him this time. Drats. I don't want to talk about it, not now not ever. Not with him, not with Dr. Cox, not with Carla, or Elliot or the stupid little group councilor at St Anthony Hospital or anyone at all. I also don't want to be that guy everyone feels sorry for, or the guy everyone stands up for. Thanks, but I can stand up for my self for once. And yes, I'm mad at Dr Cox. Actually mad is not strong enough a word. I'm disillusioned by him. You see, he belittled me, made fun of me, taunted me, made me feel insignificant, invisible and unwanted, and for some reason I was okay with that. Its probably because the one thing he did for me was believe in me. He always made sure I knew in some way that he was on my side. That I was a good doctor beneath it all. That was supposed to be the bond between us. I was the guy that cared about my patients, just like him. I respect him because he cares, and I had hoped that he did the same with me. I thought that no matter what, that would be the one thing he would never doubt. Apparently not. So yea, he's pulled the last straw. The are going to be a lot of lasts in my life in the next few months, so let this be the first…last. I guess, finally Dr Cox is going to get what he wants. He always wanted to pull away from me and not have me follow him. Well, he won't have to bother about me from now on. I'm done. I refuse to spend the last few months of my life, trying to please someone who hasn't understood me in six years.

I think Turk's surprised by my sentiments, mostly about not caring about Dr Cox. I have to admit, from his point of view, this must seem weird. I never give up on people. Well what is a guy to do when people give up on you? Besides, this makes my life easier, if Dr. Cox isn't around me, he doesn't have to find out what's wrong with me.

Great, now Turk's trying to console me. I can't take this anymore. Its all nice and sweet but completely pointless. Yes, maybe I don't need a mentor anymore. Whats a man who's about to die going to do with a mentor? But neither can I be a mentor, because…again…the dying thing sort of comes in the way. I've got nothing anymore. I'm barely a doctor, forget being a mentor. I'm just a guy, drifting between my life and death. I can't even be a patient because I'm pretending to be a doctor. I can't be a friend because I'm lying to all of them. I can't be a student because my mentor doesn't want me. God, my life is messed up. And with that thought becomes the drive for many other depressing ones, I shoo Turk out of the house, handing him his Pizza and slamming the door on his face. Once he leaves, I just slide by back against the closed door, pull my knees up and stifle the sobs that are trying to push past my throat. What the hell am I supposed to do now?

……………………………..

Dr Cox's POV.

Its official, this gawd awful place is actually, hell, its, its, its hell, thats what it is. I mean come ON. this is not the first time I've yelled at Newbie and sure as hell won't be the last time. And I can bet you anything, he will be the first one to prance through that door and return to being the annoying labradoodle who follows me around all day, asking for my approval. Not that I want him to do that, but its what he does. This is Penny, its how she functions. I mean no way in hell is he going to get my approval this time because, as I have previously established, I am not his mentor and anyway, with his new buddy Bobbo, he is going to be walking on egg shells around me for all eternity. However...the point remains...there is no need to over react.

I say that because currently, Carla and her gang of misfits are all putting a lot of time and effort into ignoring my every request. While normally I could care less, this puts my ability to function at the hospital at a significant disadvantage. No coffee from coffee nurse, no charts from Carla, Laverne won't tend to my patients when I ask her, although I'm sure she is actually looking after them when I'm not there. No one is answering me, Elliot's idiot interns are giving me disapproving glares and Newbie's turtle headed boyfriend is heaving sighs in front of me, trying to make it obvious that he's in fact NOT talking to me. I swear, one more noise from his nostrils and I will stick my stethoscope up his nose, and bring it out of his ass.

All in all, this over-reaction to my rift with Newbie is completely unnessessary. If Jane is in fact innocent, then there is no problem, I will forgive him. I'm certainly not apologizing. Not that I will need to, he'll be wagging his tale any time now, begging for a treat.

"Carla, can I have my cases please." I whirl around the counter, involuntarily of course. Was that Newbie's voice? He sounds like he has a cork shoved down his throat.

"Hey Bambi, you okay. You don't sound so good."

"Yea, long night." He answers, taking the charts from Carla's extended hand. "I should get going." He says softly, before turning and beginning to walk away. He didn't even acknowledge me..again. Not even the overdramatic ignorance, like the rest, No huff...no apologetic eyes, no wistful sighs, no sorry...nothing at all.

I can't help it, a sharp whistle just slips out of my lips. "Hold on there Betty..."

"Yes Dr Cox. What can I do for you." JD whirls around, staring back at me so coldly, I can barely remember what I was going to say. He looks terrible, pale, thin and exhausted. Okay, so clearly he needed a break last night...that is now more obvious to me than it was last night. oops.

"Look...urm...I...I'm...I'm sorry about yesterday. I guess you didn't switch camps."

"I have to go." No! he is not brushing me off again dammit. I'm Dr Cox, is he not afraid?

"This doesn't happen often newbie so I suggest you cherish the moment..."

"What, so you decide to apologize for once and I'm supposed to accept it just because you don't have the balls to do it more often Perry? Does that make everything go away in your world? Because from where I'm standing, you're still the guy who doubted everything I stand for. Something I thought you respected me for. So the next time I screw up, thats what I have to look forward to from my so called mentor, you judging my every move to see if I'm still on your side. and the next time, you can just say sorry and walk away, while I think about how I spent the past six years, doing everything in my power to please you, just so you can throw everything in my face. I guess everyone else was right, I'm never truly going to get your approval, and you know what, its not even worth it. So guess what Perry, sorry doesn't cut it...I couldn't think anything does. Excuse me."

He didn't even do the shoulder bump, just left, shoulder slumped, not looking back.

"Did that just happen?" I asked the entire nursing staff in general. All I got was an mhm, that only Lavern can pull off. Before everyone resumed work.

I couldn't get the words you of my head. "I'll never truly get your approval, and you know what, its not worth it." that, I have to admit, hurt. I want to say that Newbie doesn't matter, but lets be honest here for a second. He does, most days he irritates me, but some days he reminds me of Ben, other days he makes me feel like an overprotective father, and still there are days he reminds me of the good things about my profession. I guess, I was always proud of being his mentor because honestly, him already being a great doctor, and a hell of a human being..sort of helped. I guess...in a strange way, it gave me hope that this hell hole isn't as bad as I sometimes think it is. I can't afford to lose that. Have I lost it?

Well there wasn't much time to think about that for the rest of the day. Work went on as it always does, except that I didn't see Newbie even once. At lunch, I could feel everyone's eyes on me. Everyone was whispering around me. It was more annoying than embarrassing. The knuckleheads could gossip all they want, I couldn't care a damn. The only person I wanted to talk to was...

"Perry. Howz it going."...Not Bob Kelso. But here he was, sliding his tray onto my table with a big fake smile.

" You do realize that my scar is burning from you sitting so close Voldamort."

"Oh please, don't flatter yourself Perry. Doctor Dorian has a better chance of being Harry Potter than you ever will." Hearing him talking about Newbie downright pissed me off. What, was he going to gloat about winning the kid over. great Bob, just great, add fuel to the fire. I was so red with anger, I could barely manage a snarl.

"Easy buckbeak. I just came here to tell you that you can lay off the third degree on the kid. While I'd love to have Dr Dorian on the right side of this tug of war, he, still isn't. Trust me, you will regret not getting that sooner." What is wrong with the world today. Bod is actually showing a human side, Newbie is ranting with real anger and I'm actually LISTENING.

"Why would you tell me that Bob. What, no taking advantage of the wonderful situation?"

"Because, sometimes Perry, contrary to popular belief, its not about me or you. Maybe if you looked at the kid, you'd realize that this is about him." With that, Kelso stuffed his mouth full of blueberry muffins and walked away.

Its about Margaret...what about her? Yea she's upset, yea I definitely hurt her overly sensitive feelings, yea for once she has every right to be angry...but something else is wrong...

but what?

A/N thanks for reading, don't forget to review!


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